Why Dogs Shouldn't Have Chocolate
by paynesgrey
Summary: Everyone knows chocolate isn't good for dogs, even dog demons which Sesshoumaru finds out the hard way. Slight KagomeSesshoumaru banter. [oneshot]


AN: Warning for intense CRACK. Try not to take this too seriously, m'kay? Oneshot written for ebonysilks on LJ for their "poison" theme.

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Why Dog's Shouldn't Have Chocolate

The young human female who accompanied Sesshoumaru had come running into their camp one afternoon, frantic and scared to death.

"Kagome-san, hurry! You have to come quickly. Sesshoumaru-sama is sick from the food you gave me!"

Everyone in the group looked at the young girl baffled, and each one of them could hardly believe anything could make Sesshoumaru sick. He was an all-powerful, fearless and ruthless dog demon. How was it possible he'd let himself get sick? All attention focused on Kagome. And why would he eat Kagome's food?

"Um... Rin-chan, what do you mean Sesshoumaru is sick from my food? I didn't give him anything," Kagome asked, still confused.

"He must have been curious about the choc-o-lat-ee you gave me, and he ate all of it! Now he's really acting strange!" Rin replied.

Kagome's eyes widened, and she suddenly remembered all the warnings in her time about chocolate being bad for dogs. "Oh no! Dogs aren't supposed to have chocolate! Especially not Swiss Dark Chocolate, which has very little sugar in it! It's like poison for them!"

Inuyasha snorted behind them in disbelief. "Stupid, there's no way human food can affect dog demons the way it does domestic dogs. Sesshoumaru probably ate something else. There's no way that food could hurt him."

Kagome crossed her arms and eyed him suspiciously. "How do you know? Have you ever eaten any of that chocolate I've brought back?"

Inuyasha puffed out his chest and gave her a challenging look. "I have. I ate that stuff and did just fine."

"Ah, but Kagome-sama might have a point," Miroku chimed in. "You are half human, Inuyasha, and I remember that day clearly when you had some, and you were a little hyper part of the day, but then you became sullen and cranky and told us we all had to rest. Perhaps that was due to Kagome-sama's chocolate?"

"Hey, yeah, my friend's dog, a mixed breed, had gotten into some of her chocolate one time and had behaved exactly like that!" Kagome said.

Shippou then turned to Inuyasha and said, "Hey, maybe you weren't really affected that much because you're a mutt?"

Inuyasha glared at him and gave him a pop on the head, sending the kit into a fit of whining. "Quiet, brat."

Kagome ignored Inuyasha and looked to Rin with concern. "If that's true, Rin-chan, I think we better check up on Sesshoumaru."

"Oh thank you! I hope Sesshoumaru-sama can get better!" Rin took Kagome's hand and led the way. The others followed behind them, intent on making sure Kagome was safe - and of course extremely curious to see Sesshoumaru in such a vulnerable state.

Kagome smiled sheepishly and said under her breath, "I only hope that he doesn't maul me when I try to help him."

Rin threw her back a toothy smile, and when they came into the clearing where Sesshoumaru was moaning against a tree, Jaken popped out of nowhere and started jabbering at them.

"Rin, what did you do? How dare you bring these people here to disturb our Lord?"

"But Jaken-sama, it was Kagome-san's chocolate that got Sessshoumaru-sama sick. I was hoping she could help and make him feel better."

"Ooonnnggghghhhghghghh...Damn that human food!" Sesshoumaru whined loudly, startling the entire group. The Inu-tachi looked onto the scene in shock, and Rin and Jaken looked at their master sympathetically.

Finally, Jaken turned around and pointed his staff at Kagome, he gave her a mean look and warned her, "You better fix him now, Miko, or else!"

"Or else what, toad?" Inuyasha barked at him, pulling up his sleeves ready for a fight. Jaken backed away from Kagome and gave Inuyasha a long sneer.

"Alright," Kagome said, inhaling awkwardly. "Let's see what I can do."

"Do you really think you can help him?" Rin asked hopefully.

They started walking slowly over to Sesshoumaru's position, where he was thrashing around and moaning. He was obviously in a lot of pain. And when Kagome and Rin knelt down beside him, he quickly grabbed Kagome's arm, startling her. Inuyasha was ready to come over and help Kagome, but she waved him off with her hand. She looked down at Sesshoumaru with concern and assessed his condition.

He released her arm and jerked his head toward her. He gritted his teeth as he spoke to her, "What ... is this... stuff doing to me?"

Kagome shook her head. "I'm... I'm not sure. It's only supposed to be dangerous for domestic dogs. I had no idea that it would make you sick. I'm sorry."

Sesshoumaru made another noise of pain and threw his head back as it clunked against the trunk of the tree. Rin squealed in fright, scared for Sesshoumaru's health.

"Do something, Kagome-san!"

"I'm sorry, Rin-chan, I... when my friends' dogs got into the chocolate they either just got hyper running the energy off, or they..." She paused and Sesshoumaru was looking at her with great interest. "Or the dogs got sick and died."

Rin screamed, tears coming down her face. Sesshoumaru made another strange noise from his affliction, and Kagome was too polite (and horrified) to ponder if he'd just farted. He was looking sicklier by the minute, his face paling and sweat drenching his skin. His right leg was twitching uncontrollably, as if he was about ready to have a seizure. She looked down at his remaining arm, and her eyes widened as she slowly backed away, taking Rin with her.

"Um... Sesshoumaru, you're leaking..." Kagome said, and the words sounded weird coming out of her mouth.

Sesshoumaru looked down at his fingers with his poison youki squirting out of them, and he managed to control himself. His head jerked up and he glared at Kagome. "Are you telling me that I just need to "run it out" or I'll die? This Sesshoumaru will _not_ die from food poisoning."

At this point, Sesshoumaru started to seem like his old self again - rude and scary, and Kagome presumed he was going to be alright. He just needed to wear off all that hyper energy from the chocolate.

"Uh... yeah, I think you should just get rid of that excess energy... you know, go kill something..."

"Ah... kill something... perhaps I should kill the person who caused me this pain... then do you think I will feel better?"

Kagome could tell in the background that Inuyasha was itching to start something, but she stood her ground and gave Sesshoumaru a cheeky smile. Instead of being intimidated, she actually felt confident enough to banter with him. The more he threatened and glared at her, the more he was starting to appear like his normal self.

"Well, I'm sure you'd feel better... but boy would your conscience make you regret it later." And then she laughed at herself, because there was no way anyone else would have laughed at her joke in this ridiculous moment, and it actually felt sort of good.

Instead of pounding his hyper-active fist through her insolent face, Sesshoumaru paused and stared at her as she took his threats with a grain of salt. He looked down at Rin, who was obviously worried and scared enough to bring the miko to help him. He looked back at the rest of the onlookers and gave them his deadliest stare. Why did he have to deal with these fools today?

And why did he have to eat that blasted chocolate?

"Very well," he said, trying desperately to regain his composure. It was probably moot at this point, and he was still shaking and sweating profusely. 'And my damn leg will not stop twitching.' He looked back at Kagome, who was still watching him curiously. "I will 'run it out' as you suggested."

"Great!" And relief washed over her face. She said one last thing before he prepared to get rid of that excess energy. "Now just remember to allow yourself some time afterward for a nap."

"A nap?" Sesshoumaru asked in disbelief.

Kagome nodded her head and answered. "Oh yeah. A _big_ one."

Sesshoumaru nodded at her and took off to the skies, faster than he normally did. Kagome wondered if he'd break the sound barrier and had to laugh to herself. Rin noticed her mirth, and she gave Kagome a bright smile.

"Thank you, Kagome-san, for helping Sesshoumaru-sama! He will be okay now, won't he?"

"Of course. The dogs I've seen hyper from chocolate just use the energy up, run around in circles and chase their tails."

"Oooh..." Rin swooned. "Do you think Sesshoumaru-sama is chasing his tail in the sky now? I'd like to see that."

Kagome looked to the sky and ruffled Rin's hair. They both squinted through the clouds, hoping to see some movement from a very energized Sesshoumaru.

With a curious expression on her face, Kagome answered, "Ha. I'd love to see that too, Rin."

THE END


End file.
